seriously, for the past few weeks, it's been shaky for me. but what's life without some spice? wait. i've used that for umpteen times. omygees.
for the past few days, i've been comparing myself then and now. like how i would react to if problems pop up and such. and fortunately, i've found myself to be a better and matured girl. all thanks to bf and not forgetting, the people around me. some made me open my eyes without people telling that this is not right and the consequences of it. all i need is time. sometimes, it is the perfect timing to let me see and judge myself. how sad it is when u see people who are once close to u back then, are not anymore. wait. let me make things clear. this is not about joey, amy or man. its about somebody else. i dont want any misundestandings to happen and i've seen that happened before. and thank god it's finally over. (: k. back to the story. i just realised smth. everything happened before and now, actually is a repitition. but the problem is, for the "now" problem, it can be solved. for the "then" problem, it wasnt solved. and seriously, i dont give a damn about it and i dont even wanna know. whatever u say to me, i wont even bother. thats Syazana Hidayu Bte Sazali now. back then, i was concerned about everything. and in the end, i gained nothing. ZERO. thank god i've found new friends.
talking abt new friends, an and amy solved everything alrd. and it goes back to one main reason why things like that happen. and its the same as the "then" problem. and now, everything goes well for us. in order for a healthy r'ship, people need to voice out their unhappiness. thats what i call a healthy r'ship and friendship. there's give and take and there's also forgive and forget. thats what i learnt from them. the new friends made me think maturely and thinking with brains not with emotional. fcuk all the emotional things. it just worsen the friendship. now, everything is fine and i hope it will stay like this til tomorrow and forever. alot of plans have been imput. and im waiting for the time.
talking about time, i'm left with 6 days to performance and celebration of yat's birthday. 14 days til an performance. and i dunnoe how many days to BBQ, chalet, outings and fun.
til then, im really happy with what i have now. alhamdulillah. i think allah gave me friends in the past but real friends now and a very understanding and loyal bf. alhamdulillah.
if i manage to hold on and build on this now, why not in the future? just rmmbr my philosophy. i used to run away from problems instead of mending the mistakes that i've done. we've gone thru alot and i hope it lasts. running away wont solve anything. patience is the key. if i have patience like how u tolerate my fcuking attitude, i can tolerate and gulp in every single attitude and ur personality. no doubt, in the past i am with boys always. u cannot stop me from being who i am. thats who i am. and if silat is ur passion, i cant stop u from that. truthly, u can depend on ur silat. but for a gf, u can find any other Jane who can accept u for who u are. if there's no give and take in a r'ship, there's no progress. and i thank you for every little surprise that u made. the biggest one was on my birthday. i thank you for that. that's why, i dont feel like its been so long that im with u. whatever happen in the past, has already happened. nothing can be done to change that. even if its too painful to swallow everything, but at least i did try. and alhamdulillah, i've managed that. i dont need ur money but i need u, and the whole u.
